she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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