she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
