It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Actions speak louder than pants.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
