it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
