come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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