How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
