Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
