I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize