I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
