he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
