I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
