I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
