I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
