dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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