he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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