when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
