Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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