I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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