I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
