Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
