Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
