It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My dad is sitting where you rode me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
