I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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