i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So much rum. So many feels.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
