I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
