I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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