Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
