Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize