I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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