roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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