I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
