Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
