I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
