I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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