I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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