I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
