If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize