The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
