Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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