i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
