So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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