Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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