Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
smell my finger.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
