I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
