Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
