So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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