that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
