I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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