My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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