I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
