She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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