I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
