Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
