she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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