Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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