During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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