Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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