I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
