Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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