I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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