I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
