i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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