I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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