why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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