I like to think it a success when the cops are called
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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