Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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