dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
