We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize