It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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