we're blogging at a bar
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize