Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
