she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Houston, we have a blender
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
