you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
