All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
