You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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