apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize