We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
