Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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