Betty ford says i'm here all night
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
