1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sober January is a disaster.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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