I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
