You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
