i think my tv is drunk
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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