He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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