Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
