is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
