she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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