it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
