i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
