We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
