if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
