You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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