sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
not ubering you a puppy
there is puke in my bra ... again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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