The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
