What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
this is an emotional support booty call
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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