So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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