If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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