Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
