its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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