Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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