so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
