Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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