Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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