Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
