We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
