Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
