the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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