I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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