Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
