There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
