Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
