i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize