there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
